im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
