Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
