Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
