either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
