his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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