babies were throwing up all over the place
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
