you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize