yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
