rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I intend to get homeless drunk
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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