So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dick very happy bro
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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