So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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