she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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