These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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