It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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