We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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