I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
