oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
