My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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