I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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