when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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