Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
