I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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