somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
