I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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