my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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