Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
