Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
