you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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