there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
