I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize