Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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