i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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