none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
