He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
