U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
