I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
