i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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