my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
