she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
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Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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