Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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