I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
