i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
