The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
