as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
