dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
