I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
