turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
