Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
