She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You can't motorboat a personality
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i think my cat just said my name.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
