I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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