I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
