I could make wine with my vomit
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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