i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
