I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
