U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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