i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
