She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
