in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
