remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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