Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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