what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
