If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
