there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My penis needs a shock collar
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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