i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
