So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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