Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
