tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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