I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
