I wish my penis had an off switch
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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