if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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