suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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