I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
