Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize