we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
